Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.
A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.