You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.

I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.