Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.