Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

Thanksgiving is the day you don't know if you're invited for dinner or an intervention either way is going to be an ambush.

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.