Halloween is the only day I can dress up like a hot Latina woman with a beer belly.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

I also had a stuttering problem. In a Mexican home they don't give you speech therapy; they don't even know what speech therapy is. They just get the belt. If there's a parrot in the house, you better talk better than the parrot.