I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Whenever another Latino tells me they're more Mexican than me I stop working and let them do the work for me.