I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.