I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.

Wrestling is only gay when you make eye contact.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.