Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

I used to sell marijuana to my son's mom's new husband. And then I would take that money and give it to her as child support.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.