Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

I got jumped into a gang, but I never shot anybody or anything. I might have been in the car when something happened, but I was involved in the gangs just for the drugs. After a while, I just became an outcast of the gang because I just liked the drugs. I just wanted to do more drugs, anything you put in my hand.