I love my dad. He used to be a professional wrestler in Mexico. So it was cool growing up with him, because when he hit us, he didn't really hit us.

I know I'm getting older because yesterday I called the police on my neighbors.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

Why go to France when you can smell the same people in coffee shops here in America.

I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.