The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

According to my local hip-hop station everyone has garnish wages, child support, liens and wants to buy or rent rims. Ya Heard!

Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

You know you're getting older when your haters now want to kill you.

I didn't know how to grab your best material and put it together into a comedy set. I would just choose subjects and do it onstage. That's what I learned. I didn't know how to put a set together.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.