Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I could never have a threesome. This is not a threesome body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body - this is a tell nobody.

My dad was one of those dads that would make me stop crying by threatening to beat me.

I don't know any skinny people who bully fat people. I just know skinny people who use fat people for rides.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you.