Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I started drinking when I was like 15, and by the time I was 19 everybody knew I was an alcoholic. So I would start five fights every weekend and lose terribly. First you start off fighting with one person and then he beats you up; and then one guy would be laughing, so you would hit him, too.

I used to work at UPS I got fired for unloading packages into my car.

While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

I may not be the best dad but I taught my son how to get free samples at the mall.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.