Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.

The proliferation of support groups suggests to me that too many Americans are growing up in homes that do not contain a grandmoth.

Democracy is the fig leaf of elitism.

It's the Government's job to print the money, deliver the mail and declare war. Now give me my cigarettes.

God may have loved the common people, but a trip to any shopping mall suggests that He made far too many of them.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

There is more sexism in a year's worth of movies than actually exists in a woman's entire lifetime.