On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.

I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.

Congratulations on passing your test! Your HIV positive.