When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.