When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.

Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid.