I always wondered about that woman who had that face transplant. If you went to bed with her, would that technically count as a threesome?

It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

We don't live in a shared reality, we each live in a reality of our own, and causing upset is often the price of trying to reach each other. It's always easier to dismiss other people than to go through the awkward and time consuming process of understanding them. We have given 'taking offense' a social status it doesn't deserve: it's not much more than a way of avoiding difficult conversations.

That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.

Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.

Apparently they're going to bring in 'Super Asbos'. But 'Asbos' already sound too cool. Teenagers see them as a badge of honour. They should call them 'Gaybos' or 'Bender Badges'.