In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

We don't live in a shared reality, we each live in a reality of our own, and causing upset is often the price of trying to reach each other. It's always easier to dismiss other people than to go through the awkward and time consuming process of understanding them. We have given 'taking offense' a social status it doesn't deserve: it's not much more than a way of avoiding difficult conversations.

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

My dad is one of the funniest people I know. He's the sort of man who can make you laugh just by reading out of a telephone directory... He's a spastic.

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.