They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.

RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!