Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.