Political correctness has changed everything. People forget that political correctness used to be called spastic gay talk.

It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.

Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.

That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.