Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.