Does anyone find it ironic how a program aimed at old people is called 'Countdown'?

Don't you think its quite weird for Prince Harry, getting really stoned and seeing your grans face appearing on your money.

Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

It's good they're holding the Olympics in the East End of London. Means the athletes will have to use extra skill to work out which gunshot is the starting pistol.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.

The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.