I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.

It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

Scientists have just built the world's biggest supercollider, and they're doing experiments to see what makes up protons. I hope that if the experiment's successful, the whole of our reality will dissolve, and a big sign will up come that says: Level Two.

Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who'll think he's Tiger Woods.

I want to trace my father, could you suggest a good marker pen?