I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

Congratulations you're 18!... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.

When I went to school, sex education was mainly muttered warnings about the janitor.

A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.