As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative: aye right.

RyanAir have been getting a hard time because they've launched a £7 flight to New York. Although as always with RyanAir it does land slightly outside of New York. In Dublin.

Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.

I don't know how long i could be a vet before i got bored and started shagging stuff.