There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.

Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.

Life is a zero sum game.

When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.

There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.

I don't vote. We're led to believe we're free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms.

Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes of death...has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, all taking turns killing each other because God told them it was a good idea.