Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

Life is tough, then you die.

It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.

One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.

Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself."

The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.