You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.

A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

A pear is a failed apple.

Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. This is not what you expect to find on the resume of a supreme being. It's what you expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.

I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.