All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.

Dogs and cats get put to sleep; hogs and cows get slaughtered.

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?

I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be "Governor Bush." I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.