Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George CarlinPut two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George CarlinAlthough the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.
George CarlinReligion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a while, and it makes you walk straight and feel better - fine. But you don't need it forever, or you can become permanently disabled. Religion is like a lift in the shoe, and I say just don't ask me to wear your shoes. And let's not go down and nail lifts onto the natives' feet.
George Carlin