Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.

You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.

I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was kicked out of everything that I didn't quit. Kicked out of schools. Kicked out of summer camp, the Boy Scouts, the altar boys, the choir, and something else that I can't think of, that I'm proud of. Anyway, that was my pattern. I just began to invent myself early in life, and went out and did something about it.