Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.

When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.

I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.

Everyone smiles in the same language.

More people write poetry than read it.