I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and the gram was three quarters gone, I'd start wishing it was nine o'clock and hoping the guy got up early. But, of course, he didn't sleep either, so there was no sweat. During all those years, I was always looking forward to the next snort or the next guy I could score from.

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear.

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard