If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left side of it. I believe the difference between right and left is that the right, for the most part, the bulk of their philosophy is interested in property, and the rights of people to own property and gain and acquire and keep property. And I think on the left - though they blend and mix - on the left primarily you will find people who are more concerned about humans, and the human condition, and what can be done.

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body

I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.

I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.

What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had on my chest out. I don't care if people believe them, listen to them, change their ways, or think, or any of that kind of crap. I'm interested in showing off. I'm the same kid from sixth grade who stood up and said "watch this."