People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing.

I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.

Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

He is dead now, but he meant well.

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

Cocaine was different. It kept saying, "You haven't had enough." I became an abuser almost instantly.

Comedy is grievances. It's a recitation of grievances - whether they're inconsequential, superficial - like "my wife shops too much", or "kids today", all those old-fashioned themes - or, if it's deeper, and somewhat more thoughtful, about social imbalance and inequities, and the folly of human behavior. It's usually a complaint.