To me the cynics are the ones in the boardrooms with the reports from the focus groups.

Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] "Look, they nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite.

Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.

Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?

Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.