Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

We created god in our own image and likeness!

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?