Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.

I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.

McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery.

The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.

Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.