There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.