The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

We created god in our own image and likeness!

We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.

[On School Uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

I was surprised when I started getting old. I always thought it was one of those things that would happen to someone else.