Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!

I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.

We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.

When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?