I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup.

If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water.

Always do whatever's next.

The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Voting is a meaningless exercise. I'm not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don't. Everything is done to you in this country.

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.