I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup.

Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.

You know why we're good at it? Because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old, and already we've had ten major wars. We average a major war every twenty years. So we're good at it!

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.