Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.

Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.