You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.

Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

My grandfather, mother and father were gifted verbally, and my mother passed that along to me. She always made sure I was conscious of language and words.