Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a... secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control language because that's the way you control thought, and basically that's the game they're in.

You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.