Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.

People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

I believe you can joke about anything.

I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.