Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.

My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.

Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.

The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!