If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.

The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.

Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.

My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

He is dead now, but he meant well.