Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.

In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water.