You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is sending our grotesquely distorted DNA out into space.

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you're not dead yet.

Everything beeps now.

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.

Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.