We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.

People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next "horrifying" event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound "heals" it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, "Let the scarring begin.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

The coke made me incredibly horny.