Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup.

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

If anyone e-mails you something "by George Carlin," there's a 99 percent chance I did not write it. I didn't write "Paradox Of Our Time." I didn't write "George Carlin On Aging." I didn't write a eulogy for my wife after she died. I didn't write the New Orleans thing. I didn't write "I Am A Bad American." None of them. You know what I've decided to do? I'm going to get a little cheap put-it-together-yourself website called NotMe.com.

Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.