One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.

Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.