Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear.

I go to bed early; my favorite dream comes on at nine.

Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done".

In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?" and under my name, it says, "When I grow up, I would like to be either an actor, a radio announcer, an impersonator or a comedian."

We are all precancerous.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.