If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?